Jeb Bush Resigns as George W. Bush’s Brother
By Andy Borowitz
January 1, 2015
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the strongest sign to date that he intends to seek the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush has officially resigned his position as George W. Bush’s brother.
“No longer being related to his brother is a key step to clearing Jeb’s path to the nomination,” an aide said on New Year’s Day. “We expect his poll numbers to soar on this.”
According to the aide, the former Florida governor resigned his post as brother in a ten-minute phone call with George W. Bush, after which he blocked the former President’s phone number and e-mail address.
In an official statement, George W. Bush said that he “understands and supports” his former brother’s decision.
“If I were him, I would no longer be related to me either,” he said.
MEANWHILE:
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) blasted his Democratic colleagues in the Senate on Thursday, telling reporters, “I’m sick and tired of people blaming George W. Bush for things he did.”