You come from dust and to dust you will return. That’s why you shouldn’t dust. It could be someone you know.
When one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
If you answer your phone with “Hello. You’re on the air”, most telemarketers will quickly hang up.
Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a Mental Hospital.
For Sale. Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
It’s not the ups and downs that make life difficult; it’s the jerks.
(Charlie Chaplin)
They say marriages are made in Heaven. Then again, so is lightning and thunder.
Maybe the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades.
Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. (Yogi Berra)
This “killing them with kindness” is taking way longer than I expected.
I started out with nothing. I still have most of it.
One minute you’re young and fun. And the next you’re turning down the stereo in your car so you can see better.
One day you’ll be able to tell your grandkids that you survived the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. (Will Rogers)
Never miss a good chance to shut up. (Will Rogers – again)
And finally – Can we all agree that in 2015 not a single person got
the answer correct to the question “Where do you see yourself 5 years from now”.