Yeah, right.

Hi, I’m Oprah

I’m the spokesperson for Weight Watchers but can’t control my weight. I tell you how to run your marriage but I can’t commit to marriage. I tell you how to raise your kids but I don’t have any. I am very spiritual but don’t go to any church or identify as Christian. Even though I knew about Weinstein and the casting couch, I was silent, but I support the Me too movement. I am racist to the core, but blacks can’t really be racist, so that doesn’t count. I’m black and female, so I check all the boxes. I praised Denmark for their Socialism, though I am a billionaire due to Capitalism, the economic system that allowed a dirt poor child from Mississippi to rise to world renowned fame and wealth. The first time I openly endorsed a presidential candidate it was a black one, Obama. Before a black candidate, I was not political. Vote for me, and I will give you transformational change, the kind you got from Obama.

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